This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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