I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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