Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.