My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.