She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.