I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
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You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that