I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
