Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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