Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
