did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
