If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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