You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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