last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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