i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
