he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
