This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
