i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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