She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
