Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
