I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He felt like a one man threesome
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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