Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
