If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
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This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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