wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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