If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
