oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
