the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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