chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
