I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
