oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
