I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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