Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
