WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
