i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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