You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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