Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
