Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
