Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize