Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
