Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
