Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
