dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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