someone get that fucking seahorse.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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