idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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