Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We are two peas in an std pod
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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