5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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