Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
