hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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