Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
