i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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