I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
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Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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