you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
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He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize