Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
