my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
