So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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