would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
