question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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