Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
