I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
