i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
