You really coming over, don't trick.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm bleeding and have questions
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
