bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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