my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
