p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
