How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
