if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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